Blogity blog blog.
I bought myself some of those bluetooth earbuds today, totally worth it. I’ll be using the heck out of these with my iPod at work because they’re easy to pop in and out as I have to take orders and they’re wireless so I don’t have to have a cord either hanging all over the place possibly getting me caught on something and hurting me, or having to string it through my shirt to prevent that, so it clings to your neck and will fit under t-shirt collar discretely, and the sound quality is awesome, I love ‘em.
Anyway, more stuff to talk about than earbuds haha. I’m working on music finally. Aaron being in my life and the way things are going has pushed me to download all my old programs to begin creating the album finally, really being inspired helps. Before I was too depressed and alone to want to bother making music, and the music I did write and make was sad or melancholy. This is a new era in my life, and thus I feel I should mark the occasion musically. It’s going to be worth all the waiting I promise, my debut will be full of surprises.
In other news, I’m ticked off slightly. One girl complained that she’d been with Jack in the Box longer than me so “why should he get his days off together when I don’t!” so they moved my days off to two separated days, and it annoys me because I feel like I don’t half get rested before it’s time to get ready for work for the next day. Blah.
There’s even bigger news, and I should’ve probably put it way ahead of earbuds or days off or even my album news. I was already going to propose to Aaron in a few months, we’ve already talked about marriage and getting married and wanted to be practical because at the time that would take leaving the state and coming back, but with the recent revelation of our state being forced to allow it, we can finally get married in our home state. We were waiting to save up money for the trip, but now we could pop down to city hall any time. Not that we ARE but the thought that we can just… I can’t describe to someone, you either feel it or you don’t. To have someone else voting on your rights as a person, it’s very dehumanizing, it’s easy to shrug and say “eh, we’ll go to another state to do it then”, and not be bothered, but when news that you… don’t have to fly across the country. News that you can simply go get married, like everyone else, walk down somewhere and walk in and sign a form, without a big ordeal of planning and co-ordinating schedules and flights and finding the closest legal state, is… amazing. It’s strange because you don’t realize how much something means to you until it’s finally here.
Basically what I’m saying is that with this check and my last check I’ve saved up to get an engraved ring. I’m going to propose within the next couple of weeks. We’ve talked about marriage often. We even just refer to each other as husbands (when we talk about each other to our friends they think we’re already married pretty much). I knew that it was real, very early on, and moving in together really solidified everything because although it’s only been a year and a half or more, it honestly feels like I know everything about him, in a good way, I feel like I’ve loved him for 40 years, as impossible as that sounds. I always worry about him when he’s driving to work or going somewhere at night, I worry all the time because the thought of him getting hurt or anything just kills me. I’ve never felt… So… I’ve never looked at someone, while they were talking about anything at random, just talking to me about a random event at work that day while rifling through the fridge as I’m on the couch, and just sat and stared off into space while listening, just stared at him with a big, stupid, smile, on my face, because just the sound of his voice makes me think to myself “am I really lucky enough that this person actually loves me and comes home to me and tells me these silly stories and doesn’t realize that he is the absolute embodiment of perfection in my eyes?”
When he speaks, he doesn’t realize what a resounding effect his words have on me. I don’t think he truly realizes how impossibly perfect I find him. He’s a bit self-deprecating, but I have never seen a more beautiful human being in all my life, inside and out, the physical form of love and peace and kindness, I mean honestly how can someone be so kind and optimistic and smart, so smart and talented beyond his years, with an old soul, and he actually loves ME?! There are times I get comfortable in the routine of our lives, and then it’ll hit me out of nowhere how much, how truly endlessly, I love this person. It does scare me, yes, but all this time and not one argument or fight, not a cross word or hateful thought, not a second have either of us had second thoughts. We jumped, and have been falling ever since, each day, more and more, if that’s possible, (And it is.)
I’m going to marry Aaron, not just because we can now, or to settle, or to falsely enhance a bond, but because before him, it was like I was lost in a fog (as cliche as that is), stumbling from person to person in the shadows asking for guidance, red flags being ignored until they left proving I was right to worry, and then suddenly, you come across a stranger who seems to make the fog disappear, they have all it takes to guide you through everything in your way, they seem to scare away the shadows and hard things you’ve faced. As cheesy as it is, Aaron truly is like my… Lighthouse. He led me out of a deep, deep, dark, depression. He helps me with that every day.
I’m going to marry him, because after I met him, I knew there was nothing else, I knew it would be him, I feel as though it will be him forever, that’s why I’m doing it, I take the idea of proposing and marriage very seriously. It’s not just something you can do for fun to be cutesy with your partner, it’s a big deal. It’s saying to someone that you’re solely committed to the care and protection of their mind body and soul. I am, and I can’t wait to invite people to witness us taking that step.